The Rise of the Malignant Narcissist – 8 warning signs that you are in a controlling relationship
1. Using Intimidation
They slowly overtime have intimidated you so much in public or private, that just a look from them can have you cower, lower your head and dare not speak. Like Pavlov’s dogs, you are now trained and muzzled to act on command, sitting silently until asked to speak, constantly walking on eggshells and your adrenal gland drained through being in constant flight or fight mode.
2. Using Emotional Abuse
Mind games is one of the favourite manipulating strategies of a malignant narcissist. They are masters at it as they have been doing it for so many years. Their intent is to have you believe that you are worthless without them, useless, unsuccessful, will fail. Or you are such a mental nut case and mentally incapable of thinking or living without them.
3. Using Isolation
Extremely jealous and insecure, they resent their partners going out without them. Overtime, they will control who you see and will try to isolate you from your family and friends. They create conflict with your family, causing you undue stress and anxiety. As time goes on, they do not attend family functions and often won’t allow your family into your own home.
4. Honesty and Accountability
They will laugh off and make light of anything you want to discuss that you are unhappy about. They will always blame you for it and take no accountability for their controlling and abusive behaviour. It will always be turned around as your fault or you started it. They will never admit that they are wrong or have made a mistake.
5. Using your children
If you say you are wanting to leave, they will threaten you with taking your children off you or that you will never see them again. Will attempt to poison your children’s minds telling them that it is all your fault and that you don’t want them anymore. Will try and turn the children against you.
6. Use Male Privileges
Commands that they are the main decision maker and will tell you that you are incapable of making decisions. Will treat you like a child with below average intelligence. If you go out or even if you are at home and you have small children, they have to eat their meal first, your meal can go cold for all they care. If you work full time as well, you are expected to do more around the home. You are seen as their servant.
7. Using Economic Abuse
Usually one person in a relationship is better with the finances, so they will manage the bills, savings etc and will always share the information with the other person and give them full access to all the accounts and finances. A malignant narcissist will control 100% of the money and will disburse a little to their partner and give most of it to themselves. They decide where the money will go, usually on their hobbies or interests. Your opinion will be yelled down and discounted even if you are also working and bringing in an income.
8. Using Coercion and Threats
Will threaten to take something off you if you don’t sign legal documents (often for more debt), or usually more abuse will follow until you sign. You may have a domestic violence order application in on them and they threaten you will not see your children if you don’t drop the charges. They will terrorise you that they will tell the world how crazy you are and an unfit mother or father. Will make up lies in a vain hope you will back down.
So where do you go for help and guidance if you are in a controlling and abusive relationship.
We are so fortunate here in Australia and have so many free services available to us.
I’ve listed some below:
. Lifeline 13 11 14
. 1800 Respect 1800 737 732
. DV Connect 1800 811 811
. The Salvation Army 13 72 58
Stay safe, it’s time to take care of yourself.