Are you in a controlling relationship?
“I love you to death” he said as they lay in bed together that night. That is precisely how you are making me feel thought Natalie as she lay there feeling sad. Slowly overtime, Natalie had noticed how Cameron had gotten more controlling. She lay there thinking ‘Was he always like this?’ ‘Did I miss something in the beginning?’ “Have I changed, or has he?’
No, you haven’t changed Natalie, you are just starting to see the attitudes and behaviour of a control freak whose main focus is to control every area of their partners life.
Obsessed with having ultimate control, the modern-day Neanderthal, loves to mentally and emotionally drive their partners into submission by domination and control. They see themselves as the master, one who should be obeyed. Their club and dragging their partner into the cave looks something like the following.
- When I go out with friends, he/she tries to make me feel guilty. He will often ask why I want to go out with friends for a few drinks when I could stay at home with him. ‘I’m more fun he would say” or “if you loved me, you would stay at home with me.”
- They don’t trust you (because in reality you shouldn’t trust them). He even gets jealous if I comment on a male friends Face Book post or like something they do. He gets so angry if a male friend gives me a compliment. He never used to be like that. Actually, he was. He just didn’t disclose it when he was courting you.
- Will threaten you if you disagree with them. Disagree with their opinion or go against something they are forcing you to do, watch out. They become extremely angry and explode. They always have to be right and love belittling others and making others wrong.
- They love drama and will play the victim. They will cause conflict between family and friends, hoping you will side with them to stop an argument. They will criticise your family and friends and will always find fault in what others say or do.
- They sap your energy. Controlling people are hard work. Constantly having to worship the ground they walk on, watching what you say to them just to keep the peace and regularly walking on eggshells, they suck the life out of you. They are usually very negative about others and detest people succeeding.
- All take and no give. Controlling partners have this attitude of It’s my way or the highway type of thinking. You will find you are always giving into them (because they jump up and down and throw a temper tantrum otherwise). The laws of exchange are way out. If they give, it is with conditions.
“Coercive control is emotional abuse and is just as bad as physical abuse”
If you have a partner that has the above attitudes and behaviours, they are warning bells for you. A healthy, loving relationship is one where each other supports each other, encourages each other to be the best they can be. They have a healthy self-esteem so they trust the other person and understand the law of exchange.