I have received such amazing feedback from people who have read my book “Narcissism – The evil behind the mask” that it is overwhelming. I also get asked so many times to share my story, so here it is….
I was in my early thirties and living on the Gold Coast, had a great sales career and was financially independent. I loved catching up with family and friends, was confident and loved life. A work colleague asked me to go along with him to one of his clients Christmas parties and it was there that I met Bob, whose company was hosting the function. Little did I realise that night, how much my life was about to change.
Two years later, Bob and I got married and as I look back at our wedding vows, I was so oblivious on how those words would have so much meaning. “In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, till death do us part”. It sounds pretty final and for me as time went on, it felt like it was. Little did I know on that day, how sick he was, how bad the bad times would be, how poor he would make me feel and my death was something that I thought, he would end up inflicting on me. It got so bad, that after twelve years of being with him and with being blessed with two gorgeous boys, I got the courage and strength to leave him.
It wasn’t until I left and after talking with my psychologist, I discovered he was in fact, a malignant narcissist. As I was to encounter, a malignant narcissist will go to great lengths to destroy their targets and in the coming years, Bob’s anger and hate escalated and went to a whole new level. Nothing could have prepared me for what he was about to put us through,
I thought things couldn’t get any worse, but boy was I wrong.
He took all our money out of our joint business accounts, stole my car and did everything mentally, emotionally and physically he could in a vain attempt to see me crumble. Hell has no fury like a narcissist’s scorn and the wrath of an obsessive and abusive man. Because he had controlled what money I received and I was working in our business with him, I was left with nothing – and he knew it. He wanted to make me pay for leaving him and left me daily wondering how I would feed my boys and keep a roof over our heads.
I educated myself, spoke to people in the mental health industry on narcissism, researched, goggled and read like crazy. I also read in the American psychiatric association diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM-5) that in fact narcissism is a known and recognised personality disorder (NPD). I wasn’t me after all I thought, I wasn’t insecure, I wasn’t stupid or had mental problems as Bob would continually tell me. It was him that was sick, not me. But unfortunately, narcissists don’t get help as they don’t (and never will) see themselves as the root of the problems in their life.
I went through many dark days and would think to myself “It would be so easy if I didn’t wake up tomorrow, but thank god for my boys. My boys were my reason for finding the continual courage and strength to beat this sick man and create a happy and safe future for us all. Then one day, I felt different! It was like something deep inside of me woke up, it was like the old me was back, but I was stronger and I had the strength to fight. I felt this renewed energy, power and courage I hadn’t known before and it felt empowering.
Like me, so many people around the world are impacted by narcissists and often don’t recognise the signs. They just can’t work out what is wrong with this person, but they know something is seriously wrong. When they do though, they are just not equipped with the knowledge or tools to handle them and move forward. Their self-esteem is nearly non-existent and their strength sucked from their bodies from years of mental and emotional abuse.
I now appreciate and am thankful as I look back on my past experience of being married and in business with a malignant narcissist, as my journey has put me on my path today. I am also grateful to be able to share it with so many and be able to train and motivate people around the world.
My passion is about educating people and when they leave my seminars feeling energised and inspired, I know they are equipped and strong enough to instigate lasting change and to tackle any difficult personality disorder that they may encounter on whatever journey their life may lead them down.