Depression – Hello Darkness My Old Friend
Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again. The words from Simon and Garfunkel’s song ring true for so many people who have had depression or are currently going through it.
I am so happy to see Prince William, Princess Katherine and Prince Harry talk openly about mental health. A subject that was once inconceivable to talk about in public, is now acknowledged and spoken about freely. Interesting though, that some people can discuss at a dinner party their cancer, heart conditions or dementia, but bring up the subject about depression and watch some people squirm in their seats, have a few more sips of their wine or try to frantically change the subject.
My depression began when I was married to my ex-husband. He would on a regular basis tell me that I was not good enough in nearly every area of my life. With two small children and never quitting, I thought “I need to try harder”, “I’ll just try harder”, until one day I nearly broke trying to live up to his expectations. I couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. Why was I crying so much? Why was I so unhappy? This wasn’t like me. I went to a psychologist who, after many sessions and putting me on medication, I was able to feel normal again. The old, happy Rhonda was back.
It took me a lot longer though, to realise my depression was actually stemming from one person. He would tell me that people who have depression are just weak, but I know it takes a really strong person to ask for help. What a liberating day it was the day I looked him in the eye and said “No more, I’m through. Our marriage is over”. Walking out the door was like all the bullshit he told me for so many years, was also being left behind at every step I took.
Halle Berry contemplated suicide after the end of her first marriage in 1996. She said Ï was sitting in my car and I knew the gas was coming when I had an image of my mother finding me. She sacrificed so much for her children and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. My sense of worth was so low. I had to reprogram myself to see the good in me. Because someone didn’t love me didn’t mean I was unlovable.”
Sheryl Crow on her depression:- “I suffer from depression and at its worst, there was a six-month period in my twenties when I couldn’t dress, days when I couldn’t leave the house. Antidepressants helped and so did therapy, but depression is a chemical thing that some people go through. It’s always been part of my life.”
Lady GaGa revealed in Harper’s Bazaar her diffficulties in dealing with depression saying “I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”
If you feel or think you may be suffering from depression, go and talk to your doctor openly about how you are feeling and what is going on. No one’s life is perfect. Also sit down and ask yourself why you think this is happening? Is there a certain person or situation that makes you really sad? Accept social invitations to go out, even if you just want to stay at home. Make time to catch up with friends who make you feel happy. Go for a walk, exercise, take up a hobby you have wanted to do for years.
Being happy and at peace is a precious gift we all deserve and who more important to give it to, but ourselves.
#rhondajansen #depression #blackdog