Rhonda Jansen has overpowered her past of being married and in business with a malignant narcissist to become a well-respected publisher, corporate trainer and personal development speaker.
Born in Mareeba, a small town in far North Queensland and one of five girls, her hard-working Father was a tobacco farmer and her Mum a nurse, she was taught from a very young age to work hard for what you want in life.
But what she wasn’t taught as a young girl, was how to manage narcissists and controlling and toxic people. “I was a chubby kid growing up and people used to call me fatso or apple cheeks. I never really got into sports until I was in my twenties and preferred to be the quiet one and would prefer to sit back and let others take the lime light.”
I then went on to be a secretary and personal assistant, until one day I had a friend who worked for Yellow Pages and was in sales. She had a company car, received bonuses and wasn’t restricted to sitting in an office from 9:00 to 5:00. More importantly, her income was unlimited. She told me there was a position going for a sales person in the Gold Coast office and I thought ‘Gee, I reckon I could do that so I put my hand up and got the job.” My confidence grew, I was in control of my life, financially independent and loved catching up with family and friends.
But then Rhonda met a man, got married and naively thought life was going to be this fairy tale marriage forever. Instead it turned into a horror movie. Having many limiting beliefs at the time, one being that marriage is forever and a good Mum should stay for her kids, she stayed in a loveless and controlling marriage.
But the years of humiliation, abuse and control from her ex-husband took its toll and soon her self-esteem and energy was slowly chocked out of her.
We all have a breaking point and at the end of 2012 and after 12 years, Rhonda found the strength to leave and make a new life for her and her two boys. “I had seen what he was capable of, but never realised he would turn so brutally on me. I’ve learnt a malignant narcissist’s whole focus becomes destroying their targets mentally, emotionally and financially.”
“I’ve always been an avid reader and drawn to the joy of learning says Rhonda, so I read, googled and researched like crazy and absorbed and took on board as much information as I could.
Rhonda says “finding love and learning to trust again begins with forgiveness. Mainly forgiveness of ourselves for all the ‘stuff ups’ we have made in our life. We don’t want to focus on the pain and the negatives from our past or stay stuck in fear as we will always be puzzled and trapped by it. We will always have crap accumulating or happening in our lives, we just need to learn how to flush the shit out and replace it with the valuable stuff.
Rhonda now holds ‘fun shops’ on Post Traumatic Growth, teaching participants that our minds are plastic and not cast iron and the importance of healthy selfishness.
‘Once the stressor’s in our life are put behind us, we can then begin to recover and I guarantee you, you will always come back mentally and emotionally stronger – always.